I’ve been alluding to a new venture that I’ve been working on here at Rob Aquatics for a while, and I figured it was time to finally go public! I’m going to sell wetsuits and hamburgers at the beach! I know what you’re thinking, “But Rob you can’t cook and don’t wear wetsuits, how does this make any sense?” To which I would probably say “wow good point… I should have thought this through better.” Anyways, stop raining on my parade hypothetical jerks. These won’t be just any old wetsuits and hamburgers… these are going to be made out of local, freshly caught seals and sea lions!

Now I know some of you are probably thinking, isn’t that massively illegal under the marine mammal protection act? To which I would say the who what now? If Bear Grylls can turn a seal into a wetsuit on tv with a ka-bar and two semesters spent at the Fashion Institute of Technology why can’t I do the same in Avila Beach? And we’re going to one up Mr. Grylls once were done making our suits, at Robbie D’s Seal Skin Wetsuits and Marine Mammal Burger Emporium we use the whole animal because we care about the environment. Once we have what we need to make our wetsuits the rest of the carcass is processed into fatty delicious hamburgers and seal bratwurst.

Oddly today seems to be a big unusual news day… see also my buddy Evan’s latest big swim announcement in the Great Lakes, Blueseventy’s foray into race car tires, and Gu’s new transdermal electrolyte products!


**did I mention I’m just kidding? I don’t eat anything out of the ocean… strikes me as a karmically ill advised maneuver for an ocean swimmer :)

4 Responses to “Robbie D’s Seal Skin Wetsuits and Marine Mammal Burger Emporium”

  1. evan says:

    I hear fried kelp makes a delicious side dish. It would fetch a higher profit margin than the seal burgers – so it’s, you know, good from the business end, too.

  2. Rob D says:

    good call… I’ve got miles of that stuff just floating in the ocean not doing anything worthwhile… I wonder how much a fryer costs?

  3. Lynn K says:

    That is so AWESOME!!!

  4. Rom Emanseal says:

    Stupid liberal pansy! Seal skin wetsuit would enable faster swimming. Don’t believe me? Ask a seal…but not a great white, eh?